If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it fun? or sober?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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