The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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