No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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