He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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