dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
