Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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