In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
