Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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