They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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