ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
