He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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