So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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