there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
