Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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