I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
