she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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