Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
