More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We got so high we made milksteak
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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