I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
