Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
