put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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