therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
