I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
