The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
