Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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