What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
