yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
