matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
