before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
