you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
