I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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