I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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