I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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