I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
