Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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