overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My vagina just clenched in fear
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
