i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
