Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
