My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
