I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
