Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
