It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My legs feel like baby dolphins
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
