If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
