just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
