So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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