we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
