my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
