Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
