There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
