one might say we're banned from that church
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
