Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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