I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no you cant smoke seaweed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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