well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
