dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
