Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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