i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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