***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize