Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
