So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
