I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
