so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
