the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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