Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would ride that face into the sunset
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
