If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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