Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
