You're my little dorito
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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