After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
