Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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