I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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