she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
