you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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