I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
