She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
