Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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