i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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