You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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