Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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