Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found your dick twin last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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