There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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