just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
