He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
