dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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