we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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